INTEGRITY

My friends and family are a diverse group of people; I embrace everyone because of and despite our differences (age, race, religion, sexual orientation, political party, economic status, education, job status, physical attributes, intellect, you name it!).  Wouldn't we all be depressed and bored if the people we surrounded ourselves with looked like us, walked, talked and thought exactly as we do individually?  How would I ever get a different perspective on things if all I did were listen to people with my same history, education, background, opinion, point of view?  I'm humble enough to know I don't have all the answers and just because something is right for me doesn't mean it's right for the next person.  You can learn from anyone and I try to do that every day.  It doesn't always happen, but I try!

There is one attribute that I wish all the people that  I know, love and share my time with had:  INTEGRITY.  It's not that hard to possess, but I've been discovering over the course of my life that some people just can't grasp the concept, don't aspire to have it or wouldn't know it if it slapped them in the face.  Part of me feels sorry for these people; another part of me hopes Karma steps in gives them what they deserve for all the pain they inflict on those around them.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint!  I really shouldn't stand here and judge anyone because I've done my fair share of making mistakes (and, in the end, I'm not the one who's judging others' earthly deeds.).  To err is human, absolutely.  But to knowingly make someone believe things that are not true is called DECEPTION and I just don't have the time or energy in my life for people who lie, connive, cheat, steal, abuse or otherwise deceive for personal gain or to avoid consequences brought on by their actions. 

I don't think I'm better than anyone else.  I'm not saying I've never told a lie.  But I learn from my mistakes, I live my life as honestly and openly as I can, I don't point fingers at others and try to eschew the blame if the mistake is mine, and if I make a mistake or hurt someone by my words or actions I apologize and MEAN IT.  If you come to me and tell me you're truly sorry for hurting me I will forgive you.  (Christians are supposed to forgive even without repentance, I think, but I haven't evolved to that yet.)

If I lived such a deceptive life as the handful of people I have encountered over the last 10 years or so, I would have to work harder at creating and remembering all the lies that are spun in their webs of deceipt than if I just came clean with whatever I'd done!   It's absolutely amazing the time, thought, energy, execution and maintenance that folks put into deception because it really has to encompass all aspects of their lives.  It must be like working two or three jobs.  Seriously, I barely have time to work the semi-FT job I've got and live my boring yet honest life!

And it's awful knowing first-hand (or being one of) the victims of these selfish liars, users and schemers:  kids, spouses, friends, colleagues; the list goes on and on.   The perpetrators don't give a damn about these "loved ones" or they wouldn't lie, cheat & steal to begin with! What's worse is when their loved ones or peers find out the truth and they just accept it in defeat as if there's nothing they can do about it.  They feel trapped, worthless, without any alternative.   I've seen it, I've been caught up in the turmoil of knowing about it but helpless to do anything with the information, and I simply don't understand it.  I can't imagine ever feeling like there's a situation I can't get myself out of or where I couldn't ask for help.  The worst yet is to offer help repeatedly to a victim of someone's abuse, negligence, lies and/or schemes only for them to turn it down with the weakest excuses or none at all. 

So I would just like to say, "Shame on you who are so selfish as to disregard the effects of your actions on those around you!" 

Is your personal gain (money, sex, a job, material possessions, social status, reputation, whatever!) really worth putting your loved ones, colleagues, children, neighbors through the wringer?  (Actually, this is the stupidest question because people who do this don't give a damn about the people they lie to, cheat on, steal from, etc. - they have no conscience.) 

It would be naiive and irresponsible of me to believe and say that there aren't people out there with legitimate addiction problems:  gambling, drugs, alcohol, spending (I'm having issues with the whole "sexual addiction" thing that's so prominent with our celebrity men these days.  I don't buy it.  I think they're just very rich deviants who choose not to practice self control.).  And then there are the pathological liars and thieves; I am sure there are people who simply can't stop themselves from lying and stealing over and over and over and over.  Whether it's an addiction or not I can't say; I'm no psychiatrist. But I'm not dumb enough to believe there aren't just out-and-out liars, scam artists and cheaters who either work the system (i.e., John Q. Taxpayer) to get as much for "free" as they possibly can, or out of their family and friends until they suck them dry financially, emotionally and however else they can.  It's this last group that I just have no sympathy, empathy, general care, concern or time for.  They know what they're doing, who they're hurting and they just don't care.

So I send this statement out into the cosmos... It's off my chest and I feel better having put it out there.  

• If you identify with it, if it strikes a nerve, maybe you need to reevaluate your life and the lives of those around you who suffer the consequences of your actions. Trust me, it's farther-reaching than you imagine. 
• If you just don't get it you're most likely one of the people I'm talking about!
• If you think I'm over-the-top, well, you haven't experienced my life, seen the destruction and pain these kinds of people cause and you haven't felt powerless to help those affected by the actions of these selfish people. 

Because of the experiences I've had I'm way less likely to trust new friends, more apt to keep my distance and live a lonelier existence so that I don't get hurt, used or made to look like a fool.  (I can do that all by myself, thank you.)  And that's a shame. 

God help those who seek help for their selfish and destructive behavior.  Help is out there in all varieties, forms, shapes and sizes, people just need to look for it, ask for it and take it.  And may they find the courage to stand up and do what's right, correct their mistakes, tell the truth, apologize to the the people they've taken advantage of, hurt, lied to, and whose trust has been shattered, then go forward living an honest life.   Redemption is an awesome thing; it's freeing and empowering!!

Just remember what your mama told you:  "No one said life is fair.  No one said life is easy."

(Exit stage left with soap box.)