A big, fat ZERO!! 0.0 lbs. this week. That SUCKS!!
Okay, on my Facebook I said I was okay with it because I'm trying to lose 2.0 lbs. a week and at a total loss of 6.0 lbs. I'm right on target. But, in reality I'm UNhappy because it killed my momentum and since then I've not been 100% on target all week, I feel fat, I stepped on the scale yesterday morning (instead of waiting 'til Saturday), gained a few pounds and now I just finished 3 fried chicken drumsticks & about 3 helpings of Ore-Ida Crinkle Cut french fries dipped in ketchup & mayonnaise... And 2 Screwdrivers. Can I just say that NONE of those things are on my list of foods that are okay to eat?!!
What is wrong with me?!!!
Why am I "rewarding" myself (or should I say consoling myself?) with the stuff that's going to make me even fatter, clog my arteries, make my skin break out, make me retain water and, if you had any doubt, make me more unhappy with myself in every conceivable way than I already am?!! WHY?!!!!!!! It's this vicious cycle I can't seem to break: go on a diet, do well, lose weight (or gain weight), reward myself with something delicious (or console myself with something delicious), realize I've fallen off the wagon and just decide to hitch a ride home with the 18-wheeler hauling McDonald's instead of standing up, dusting myself off and getting back on the wagon. I am weak. I'm a quitter. I am worthless. I feel like a 44-year old married, mother of two (well, actually I AM all those things), fat cow who's destined to be that woman in the picture with her farmer husband holding the pitchfork. That unhappy couple on the farm who've been together for 50 years. She's plump. He's skinny. Neither one looks happy and I'm sure it's because she gained so much weight after they got married and had some kids and she all she's done is baked pies and cooked awesome dinners (at noon) for her unappreciative husband so he could eat well after getting up at the crack of frigging dawn to feed the chickens, milk the cows, till the land, sew the seeds, harvest the crops, blah blah blee blee blah, and now she's fat, he's bald and they're both unhappy because they don't do anything together that they enjoy, but they won't say anything to each other because that would not be prudent. They go to church on Sunday, pay their taxes, they don't swear or drink, they've reared their children to be good students, good citizens, members of the 4H and FFA, Girl and Boy Scouts, all the things upstanding, hard-working citizens in a small farming community do. And they look miserable.
I think that's called projecting.
To be fair, please excuse this scribbling. My heart is not in it tonight, but my friend was asking when I'd get back to blogging. I'm inspired by vodka tonight... and my own failures. My mind is elsewhere, everywhere, stressing on several issues I really don't want to get into right now, none of which are even really important in the grand scheme of things (Girl Scout cookies, camping plans, end of fiscal year at work, my sophomore going with the high school almost to Canada, parents are travelling, medieval banquet, troop meeting and field trip, etc.)
So, I'm going to turn on my electric blanket and watch my NBC Thursday night comedies. And I'm going to wake up tomorrow and try, once again, to stay (get back) on the path to a healthier me. Every day starts the same. Maybe I can be more diligent tomorrow, but unless I get up early to prepare my breakfast, lunch and healthy snacks, chances of me staying on target are slim to none.
Next post: more coherent. Next post: My Quest Weigh-In #4. Cross everything you've got. I'm gonna need it.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
My Quest Weigh-In Week #2
I lost 2.2 lbs.!!!!
That's a 2-WEEK LOSS of 6 lbs.!!!
I am super happy with that, especially after my behavior last Sunday when I not only fell off the wagon, but rolled under it, got caught on something and was dragged behind it for miles... This week's loss just proves that you can have one hell of a bad day of cheating on your diet, get back on the wagon, forgive yourself for what you just did and move on. That has been my downfall every other time I've tried to diet and it's almost a revelation to me that just because you regress doesn't mean you have to continue on that downward spiral.
I was a late bloomer. I'm a procrastinator. I don't get a lot of jokes immediately. I think of great comebacks a week later. And it's taken me more than 20 years to figure out how to work a diet.
That's a 2-WEEK LOSS of 6 lbs.!!!
I am super happy with that, especially after my behavior last Sunday when I not only fell off the wagon, but rolled under it, got caught on something and was dragged behind it for miles... This week's loss just proves that you can have one hell of a bad day of cheating on your diet, get back on the wagon, forgive yourself for what you just did and move on. That has been my downfall every other time I've tried to diet and it's almost a revelation to me that just because you regress doesn't mean you have to continue on that downward spiral.
I was a late bloomer. I'm a procrastinator. I don't get a lot of jokes immediately. I think of great comebacks a week later. And it's taken me more than 20 years to figure out how to work a diet.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
That Girl
My family and I moved to Washington three-and-a-half years ago. I maintained my weight for not quite a year and then I started gaining. (I was still overweight at the time, but within 7 lbs. of my current goal weight.) Since that time I have gained 30 lbs. I went from this girl:
to someone I don't even recognize in the mirror. Honest to God, I can see myself everyday in the mirror and not recognize how much weight I've gained because (1) I don't want to see it and (2) I can't see behind me (and I choose not to use another mirror in order to do that. Ignorance is bliss.). My first indication should have been when I couldn't see my feet because my stomach was in the way, but then I just leaned over a little further.
But, when I look at pictures of myself I do see it and I can't believe I've let myself go that far. I see videos and I can't believe that is my fat ass walking around; and is that a double-chin? When did I get that?! Who is that girl? When did I become that girl?!
I can't believe I'm even posting these, but here they are. I'm doing this for myself, ya'll. I'm posting these so that I'm not hiding behind the internet and my far away friends who can't see how much weight I've gained. My most recent Facebook profile pic is, naturally, a more flattering picture of me, yet not so recent. It's from the summer, but I've gained even since then. It doesn't capture me at this moment. I know a lot of people do that, but I feel like I'm lying by posting a picture that doesn't look like me now. And that's not the same as posting a picture from long, long ago. Everyone knows a childhood picture is not what you look like now. But they can't tell when my profile pic was taken, so they believe that's a current photo. It's cheating and I feel guilty.
The FB profile pic I just changed it to today is even more of a lie, but it's me with cases of Girl Scout cookies and I'm trying to help my daughter sell Girl Scout cookies. It's all about selling that cookie from here through March, ya'll. I gotta do it for the Girl Scouts!
So, here's the other girl that lives in our house. I really don't like her. She started moving in a few years ago, but I've told her to start packing because she's no longer welcome. She's got 'til May 15th and then she's out!
How on earth did I become that girl?
Oh, right... by not having any willpower, indulging myself in whatever I wanted and wearing XL sweatpants 8 days a week.
That girl's only gotten her suitcase out of the closet; she hasn't put anything in it yet. I think she may still have some laundry to do before she can start packing. She'll be around for a little while longer, but I'm not going to indulge her anymore on any consistent basis. I've got almost 8 days of abstinence under my belt and I feel EMPOWERED!
My Quest Weigh-In Week #1
I LOST 3.8 lbs.!!!!!
That's almost twice what I wanted to lose and I am very proud of myself, but not really because of the loss so much as how well I stuck to my guns and made the right choices. Seriously, it's a huge deal to me that I had:
NO Coke
NO alcohol
NO fast food (aside from the CRISPY chicken strips on my salad last night!)
And I started counting calories, trying to stay at 1200 or fewer calories a day. My main theme with my eating is "along the lines" of Weight Watchers & South Beach Diet: portion control, more vegetables, more fiber, lean meats and fewer carbs. I'm not following either one of these to any degree of the letter, just using them as guidelines from what I remember.
The real challenge starts today because with weight loss or weight gain my mind is a funny thing. When I'm first starting a diet (which I've done so many times over the last 25+ years I can't even tell you), if I lose weight, I want to celebrate because I feel like I've got some leeway, some room, so I indulge myself, I gain the weight back, then get discouraged and forget the diet. If I gain weight, I'm depressed and I just say "screw it!," I indulge myself and I gain even more weight and I'm off the diet. It's been a Catch-22, but no more. I'm seriously not going down that road anymore.
I just need my other 5 My Quest friends to post their losses, maintains or gains so we can see, collectively, how we've done. I think this support thing really helps. It's kept me accountable all week and I love it!! Has it worked for everyone else?
That's almost twice what I wanted to lose and I am very proud of myself, but not really because of the loss so much as how well I stuck to my guns and made the right choices. Seriously, it's a huge deal to me that I had:
NO Coke
NO alcohol
NO fast food (aside from the CRISPY chicken strips on my salad last night!)
And I started counting calories, trying to stay at 1200 or fewer calories a day. My main theme with my eating is "along the lines" of Weight Watchers & South Beach Diet: portion control, more vegetables, more fiber, lean meats and fewer carbs. I'm not following either one of these to any degree of the letter, just using them as guidelines from what I remember.
The real challenge starts today because with weight loss or weight gain my mind is a funny thing. When I'm first starting a diet (which I've done so many times over the last 25+ years I can't even tell you), if I lose weight, I want to celebrate because I feel like I've got some leeway, some room, so I indulge myself, I gain the weight back, then get discouraged and forget the diet. If I gain weight, I'm depressed and I just say "screw it!," I indulge myself and I gain even more weight and I'm off the diet. It's been a Catch-22, but no more. I'm seriously not going down that road anymore.
I just need my other 5 My Quest friends to post their losses, maintains or gains so we can see, collectively, how we've done. I think this support thing really helps. It's kept me accountable all week and I love it!! Has it worked for everyone else?
Friday, January 8, 2010
God Works At Wendy's
Today is Day #7 of my new lifestyle of "healthy living," or "My Quest To Lose 37 Pounds." I've been doing very well this week and I'm really proud of myself. No fast food, no Coke and no alcohol for 7 straight days. But, tonight I had to eat on the run, so I picked the healthiest fast food choice I could think of because they have salads: Wendy's. Normally when I go to Wendy's I'm all over that Bacon Cheeseburger Deluxe, Biggie Fries & a Biggie Coke. But, not now that I'm on My Quest. If I go to a fast food restaurant, it's all about the salads. It's damn near like going from smoking a pack a day to sucking on hard candy. I've never been a smoker, but I can imagine. I love me some bacon cheeseburgers.
Now, I'm not trying to say Wendy's salads are healthy or healthier than any other fast food restaurant's. I'm just saying I prefer their salads to the ones at McDonald's, Jack-in-the-Box, Burger King, you name it. And my daughter said she liked Wendy's new chicken nuggets. Okay, we're there.
So my daughter orders hers and I get up there and tell the guy, "I'll have a Dasani bottled water and a Chicken BLT Salad with honey dijon dressing." The picture of it looked delicious with nice crispy chicken strips all cut up on top of fresh green lettuce leaves, a little bacon, a little shredded cheese, tomatoes.. Mmm... It was still going to be "cheating" with the bacon, cheese, croutons & crispy chicken strips, but I was willing to risk it, even though I'm weighing in tomorrow morning. (Tomorrow is Weigh-In #1.) I've been good all week! This one thing isn't going to ruin whatever I've accomplished all week long.
I got our order and sat down at the table. I took the cover off the salad and..... DISAPPOINTMENT! There was chicken alright: GRILLED chicken breast. Not crispy chicken, GRILLED CHICKEN!! I didn't ask for GRILLED chicken! The picture on the menu shows CRISPY CHICKEN; I want CRISPY CHICKEN, damnit!!
I was just about ready to go up to the counter before I laid a finger on that salad and say, "Look, you didn't ask me which chicken I wanted, and I didn't know there was a choice because your picture shows crispy chicken, and I wanted CRISPY CHICKEN!" And then I realized...
God works at Wendy's.
Now, I'm not trying to say Wendy's salads are healthy or healthier than any other fast food restaurant's. I'm just saying I prefer their salads to the ones at McDonald's, Jack-in-the-Box, Burger King, you name it. And my daughter said she liked Wendy's new chicken nuggets. Okay, we're there.
So my daughter orders hers and I get up there and tell the guy, "I'll have a Dasani bottled water and a Chicken BLT Salad with honey dijon dressing." The picture of it looked delicious with nice crispy chicken strips all cut up on top of fresh green lettuce leaves, a little bacon, a little shredded cheese, tomatoes.. Mmm... It was still going to be "cheating" with the bacon, cheese, croutons & crispy chicken strips, but I was willing to risk it, even though I'm weighing in tomorrow morning. (Tomorrow is Weigh-In #1.) I've been good all week! This one thing isn't going to ruin whatever I've accomplished all week long.
I got our order and sat down at the table. I took the cover off the salad and..... DISAPPOINTMENT! There was chicken alright: GRILLED chicken breast. Not crispy chicken, GRILLED CHICKEN!! I didn't ask for GRILLED chicken! The picture on the menu shows CRISPY CHICKEN; I want CRISPY CHICKEN, damnit!!
I was just about ready to go up to the counter before I laid a finger on that salad and say, "Look, you didn't ask me which chicken I wanted, and I didn't know there was a choice because your picture shows crispy chicken, and I wanted CRISPY CHICKEN!" And then I realized...
God works at Wendy's.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Sexual Chocolate
Is it just me or does everyone else's life seem to revolve around food?
I just got my hair colored tonight and I remembered the first time my stylist colored it. My cousin was over visiting during my fabulous hair makeover and she asked what color I was getting. I told her I'd chosen an auburny, chestnutty, chocolatey color (because I go darker to cover my shiny silver hair - plus, I would look ridiculous as a blonde). When my stylist (also my cousin's neighbor) had finished her masterpiece and told me my new haircut looked sexy with this beautiful, delicious color, my cousin said in her best Eddie Murphy "Coming To America" impression, "Oooooo, girl, that looks like Sexshul Chocklit!"
So, after my stylist had created yet another masterpiece with my hair tonight, adding some spiciness to the sexy, chocolatey goodness this time, I wrote her a check and in the comment section wrote, "Thanks for the Sexual Chocolate!" She just looked at it and said, "They all know me at the bank.... what are they going to think I'm selling?!"
Eh. Give 'em something to talk about at my bank, too, when it clears. :)
***Sorry to anybody who thought this was a blog about some Australian cover band or perverse candy.
I just got my hair colored tonight and I remembered the first time my stylist colored it. My cousin was over visiting during my fabulous hair makeover and she asked what color I was getting. I told her I'd chosen an auburny, chestnutty, chocolatey color (because I go darker to cover my shiny silver hair - plus, I would look ridiculous as a blonde). When my stylist (also my cousin's neighbor) had finished her masterpiece and told me my new haircut looked sexy with this beautiful, delicious color, my cousin said in her best Eddie Murphy "Coming To America" impression, "Oooooo, girl, that looks like Sexshul Chocklit!"
So, after my stylist had created yet another masterpiece with my hair tonight, adding some spiciness to the sexy, chocolatey goodness this time, I wrote her a check and in the comment section wrote, "Thanks for the Sexual Chocolate!" She just looked at it and said, "They all know me at the bank.... what are they going to think I'm selling?!"
Eh. Give 'em something to talk about at my bank, too, when it clears. :)
***Sorry to anybody who thought this was a blog about some Australian cover band or perverse candy.
Monday, January 4, 2010
I Can't Stop Swearing
Multi-tasking is not one of my strong suits. I can do it, I just don't like to do it. Not my first choice. However, with all the resolutions I've made this year, things I need to work on, change, improve, create, begin, stop, learn, etc., it's an absolute MUST.
I must eat healthier & add exercise to my daily regimen
I must not drink alcohol (on a consistent basis)
I must cut soda, sugars, CARBS from my daily intake
I must spend more time with my kids
I must be more attentive to my husband
I must de-clutter this house
I must then CLEAN the house (on a more consistent basis)
I must make the kids do chores (on a more consistent basis)
I must not sit in front of the computer/TV the second I get home
I must get on the treadmill every day, and
I must stop swearing
Now, that's not the complete list, only what I can think of at the moment. However, it's pretty comprehensive. I've hit the most obvious things I need to attend to/focus on this year. But, I've come to the realization that I can't SERIOUSLY completely give up three of my favorite vices all at once. Absolutely impossible! Can you guess? Yes, I'm sure you can: eating bad food, drinking vodka and swearing.
Look, I thought about it today and it occurred to me that while I can curb all of these things, I really CAN cut out eating bad food and drinking alcohol. I've done it before, I can do it again. However, the swearing thing is tricky...
You see, if I don't swear, what words am I going to use when some stupid idiot cuts me off in traffic? (That's my biggest pet peeve and I do most of my cussing in the car.) Or when someone buys a vowel they don't need on Wheel of Fortune?!! I'm not kidding, I swear at the TV. I need this crutch, I just can't give it up cold turkey!! But, I'm sure you're thinking: substitution. Yessss, I thought of that. That's a good way to do it, but not with every word. I agree you can substitute darn for damn and heck for hell... (or, h-e-double-toothpicks) absolutely, those are fine. They don't have that sharp edge, though, and that's the whole reason behind swearing, isn't it? To get that anger out in ONE SHOT! That's what it does for me, anyway. Either that or I've got a mild case of Tourette's.
The problem is that the substitutions for S.O.B., sh*t and the F-word simply won't work for me at this time in my life. Lately, instead of saying S.O.B. I've been saying "son-of-a-biscuit!," and it's worked pretty well, but with my new health regimen that just makes me crave biscuits & gravy right at the beginning of the day! Not a good choice. A common southern word sub for sh*t (my favorite cuss word of all time) is "sugar!" which actually feels good to say (and sounds innocent), but, obviously, not what I need to be talking about because sugar will make me think of chocolate. And the F-word... well, many people use "fudge" but I don't like fudge, it's a soft-sounding word (like its consistency) so it doesn't feel the same to say it and, again, it'll make me think of chocolate.
So, while I can cut back on swearing, I simply can't quit completely. Yes, I am a heathen, no I am not a lady, it's completely unprofessional in the work place and totally inappropriate at home. However... I've had this very bad habit since I was in high school (15-16). It's almost like I've smoked for 26 years and now I have to give it up cold turkey! It is such a crutch for me and of all the things I NEED to give up for my health at this moment, this is not the one.
I must eat healthier & add exercise to my daily regimen
I must not drink alcohol (on a consistent basis)
I must cut soda, sugars, CARBS from my daily intake
I must spend more time with my kids
I must be more attentive to my husband
I must de-clutter this house
I must then CLEAN the house (on a more consistent basis)
I must make the kids do chores (on a more consistent basis)
I must not sit in front of the computer/TV the second I get home
I must get on the treadmill every day, and
I must stop swearing
Now, that's not the complete list, only what I can think of at the moment. However, it's pretty comprehensive. I've hit the most obvious things I need to attend to/focus on this year. But, I've come to the realization that I can't SERIOUSLY completely give up three of my favorite vices all at once. Absolutely impossible! Can you guess? Yes, I'm sure you can: eating bad food, drinking vodka and swearing.
Look, I thought about it today and it occurred to me that while I can curb all of these things, I really CAN cut out eating bad food and drinking alcohol. I've done it before, I can do it again. However, the swearing thing is tricky...
You see, if I don't swear, what words am I going to use when some stupid idiot cuts me off in traffic? (That's my biggest pet peeve and I do most of my cussing in the car.) Or when someone buys a vowel they don't need on Wheel of Fortune?!! I'm not kidding, I swear at the TV. I need this crutch, I just can't give it up cold turkey!! But, I'm sure you're thinking: substitution. Yessss, I thought of that. That's a good way to do it, but not with every word. I agree you can substitute darn for damn and heck for hell... (or, h-e-double-toothpicks) absolutely, those are fine. They don't have that sharp edge, though, and that's the whole reason behind swearing, isn't it? To get that anger out in ONE SHOT! That's what it does for me, anyway. Either that or I've got a mild case of Tourette's.
The problem is that the substitutions for S.O.B., sh*t and the F-word simply won't work for me at this time in my life. Lately, instead of saying S.O.B. I've been saying "son-of-a-biscuit!," and it's worked pretty well, but with my new health regimen that just makes me crave biscuits & gravy right at the beginning of the day! Not a good choice. A common southern word sub for sh*t (my favorite cuss word of all time) is "sugar!" which actually feels good to say (and sounds innocent), but, obviously, not what I need to be talking about because sugar will make me think of chocolate. And the F-word... well, many people use "fudge" but I don't like fudge, it's a soft-sounding word (like its consistency) so it doesn't feel the same to say it and, again, it'll make me think of chocolate.
So, while I can cut back on swearing, I simply can't quit completely. Yes, I am a heathen, no I am not a lady, it's completely unprofessional in the work place and totally inappropriate at home. However... I've had this very bad habit since I was in high school (15-16). It's almost like I've smoked for 26 years and now I have to give it up cold turkey! It is such a crutch for me and of all the things I NEED to give up for my health at this moment, this is not the one.
You Don't Need College To Work At Jack-In-The-Box, But It Wouldn't Hurt
I'd forgotten all about the J-I-T-B drive-thru guy taking my order until I went to Office Depot just now. Do we live in a world of idiots, or what? I really have nothing to say since I don't have a college education (because we can't count the one semester + one week at DVC where I failed everything, or close to it), however, if it takes more than one sentence to order milkshakes or buy envelopes I think college may be necessary for our current work force.
Jack-In-The-Box (1 week ago, I swear):
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I'd like 2 small chocolate shakes and 1 small strawberry shake. One chocolate shake without whipped cream."
"Okay, you want 1 chocolate shake?"
"No, I'd like 2 small chocolate shakes and 1 small strawberry shake. One chocolate shake without whipped cream."
"So, that's a strawberry shake with no..."
(Insert my previous response here.)
"Okay, that's 2 chocolate shakes, 1 strawberry shake, and what?"
(I could continue with my response here but it's making me mad just thinking about it.) So, I think he finally gets it (I think), I pull around and he looks at me with this deer-in-the-headlights look and asks me again, "So, how many do you want whipped cream on?"
Seriously? I just stared right at him. I wanted to say something really smart-assed, but I didn't want him spitting in my milkshake, so I politely told him and then he went away. Thankfully, someone more competent (and who didn't appear to be high) showed up with my milkshakes and off we went. My daughter & her cousin (11 & 12) were also in complete disbelief of our conversation and I believe neither one of them wants to work at J-I-T-B when they are old enough to get jobs.
Office Depot
Okay, so maybe I'm dumb to assume that if you work for Office Depot or Office Max all the employees should know their merchandise, or at least have heard of it. Now, that may be unfair because some of their staff doesn't have the office experience, so I almost forgave this guy when I had to repeat "inter-departmental manila envelopes" three times when I couldn't find them on the shelf. He actually had to practice saying it before he got on his little mic to ask his constituents. That's okay. If he's college-aged, he probably hasn't worked in a big office where you send documents from floor-to-floor or building-to-building, and if Office Depot didn't stock them on the shelves, he's never seen them. But, okay, we're in the manila envelope section of the store, so when he slowly enunciated, "inter-departmental vanilla envelopes" I just wanted to slap him.
Jack-In-The-Box (1 week ago, I swear):
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I'd like 2 small chocolate shakes and 1 small strawberry shake. One chocolate shake without whipped cream."
"Okay, you want 1 chocolate shake?"
"No, I'd like 2 small chocolate shakes and 1 small strawberry shake. One chocolate shake without whipped cream."
"So, that's a strawberry shake with no..."
(Insert my previous response here.)
"Okay, that's 2 chocolate shakes, 1 strawberry shake, and what?"
(I could continue with my response here but it's making me mad just thinking about it.) So, I think he finally gets it (I think), I pull around and he looks at me with this deer-in-the-headlights look and asks me again, "So, how many do you want whipped cream on?"
Seriously? I just stared right at him. I wanted to say something really smart-assed, but I didn't want him spitting in my milkshake, so I politely told him and then he went away. Thankfully, someone more competent (and who didn't appear to be high) showed up with my milkshakes and off we went. My daughter & her cousin (11 & 12) were also in complete disbelief of our conversation and I believe neither one of them wants to work at J-I-T-B when they are old enough to get jobs.
Office Depot
Okay, so maybe I'm dumb to assume that if you work for Office Depot or Office Max all the employees should know their merchandise, or at least have heard of it. Now, that may be unfair because some of their staff doesn't have the office experience, so I almost forgave this guy when I had to repeat "inter-departmental manila envelopes" three times when I couldn't find them on the shelf. He actually had to practice saying it before he got on his little mic to ask his constituents. That's okay. If he's college-aged, he probably hasn't worked in a big office where you send documents from floor-to-floor or building-to-building, and if Office Depot didn't stock them on the shelves, he's never seen them. But, okay, we're in the manila envelope section of the store, so when he slowly enunciated, "inter-departmental vanilla envelopes" I just wanted to slap him.
Hazardous Workplace
In my attempt to start a new day with a clean slate (ignoring the fact that I enjoyed honey graham SW airlines cookies, pistachios and ice cream with chocolate sauce last night), I wanted to eat a healthy breakfast, but I'm stuck with a frozen breakfast I bought 2 weeks ago until I can get to the grocery store. I just walked into the kitchen to heat my microwaveable breakfast (Aunt Jemima Sausage & Egg Scramble) - bad news at:
300 calories
18 g fat
890 mg sodium
19 net carbs
Calories, sodium & carbs, OH MY! However, I'm picking through all the stupid potatoes and leaving them (because, lucky for me, I don't like potatoes unless they're french fried or mashed or scalloped or twice baked), so my total caloric, fat, sodium and carb intake will be lower. I don't know about that sodium, though. It might still be 800 mg. My tongue is burning.
But, I digress (I'm so good at that). I walked into the kitchen and there are packages and packages of donuts on the counter staring at me. Beckoning me, whispering, "Eat me! Eat me!" Mrs. Freshley's donettes (packages of 6) that someone brought in and dumped on the counter. Okay, I'd like to say I won't eat it unless it's Hostess, but that would be a lie. I didn't grow up with Mrs. Freshley's or Little Debbie, but in a pinch they'll do. Because they've been sitting there for over a week now and it doesn't look like anyone's touching them, and because I'm trying to eat more healthy* am I allowed to throw them all out?
Then I look around and there's a bowl full of Christmas chocolates that I brought in for the guys I work with. Rrrrrrrright! You'd think I could just stay out of the kitchen and I'd be safe, but no! In my office: on my desk sits the giant container of Girl Scout Salsa Mix (rice & sesame crackers, nuts, corn nuts, etc.), in my desk are mints, in my filing cabinet are several bags of potato chips, cookies & candy, and under my desk is the case of Pork Flavored Cup O' Noodles. WHAT AM I DOING TO MYSELF?! I must get rid of it all! Well, maybe not the Salsa Mix. I paid top dollar for that.
Water, water, I must drink my water. I love water. Water is my new BFF.
*Oh yes, I forgot. I HATE the word "healthful." Who makes up these stupid new words in order to make them sound less diet-y? Pisses me off, actually. It's healthy. What's wrong with the word "healthy?" Why do we have to change our words all the time?! (That's interesting, though, because one of my favorite books, which I am reading again, is about how English is constantly evolving. And completely contradictory to what I just said, I LOVE the word "ginormous.")
My biggest goal for the rest of the day is to get on the treadmill. Oh, I need to eat a sensible lunch & dinner, but my hurdle is that stupid treadmill. I bought is last March and I've used it less than 5 times. It's got a TV & DVD player right in front of it, so I can put my Johnny in there and go to town. I just need to DO IT. (I'd steal Nike's line, but I think they're still sponsering Tiger Woods and I don't love him right now.)
Onward & upward!
300 calories
18 g fat
890 mg sodium
19 net carbs
Calories, sodium & carbs, OH MY! However, I'm picking through all the stupid potatoes and leaving them (because, lucky for me, I don't like potatoes unless they're french fried or mashed or scalloped or twice baked), so my total caloric, fat, sodium and carb intake will be lower. I don't know about that sodium, though. It might still be 800 mg. My tongue is burning.
But, I digress (I'm so good at that). I walked into the kitchen and there are packages and packages of donuts on the counter staring at me. Beckoning me, whispering, "Eat me! Eat me!" Mrs. Freshley's donettes (packages of 6) that someone brought in and dumped on the counter. Okay, I'd like to say I won't eat it unless it's Hostess, but that would be a lie. I didn't grow up with Mrs. Freshley's or Little Debbie, but in a pinch they'll do. Because they've been sitting there for over a week now and it doesn't look like anyone's touching them, and because I'm trying to eat more healthy* am I allowed to throw them all out?
Then I look around and there's a bowl full of Christmas chocolates that I brought in for the guys I work with. Rrrrrrrright! You'd think I could just stay out of the kitchen and I'd be safe, but no! In my office: on my desk sits the giant container of Girl Scout Salsa Mix (rice & sesame crackers, nuts, corn nuts, etc.), in my desk are mints, in my filing cabinet are several bags of potato chips, cookies & candy, and under my desk is the case of Pork Flavored Cup O' Noodles. WHAT AM I DOING TO MYSELF?! I must get rid of it all! Well, maybe not the Salsa Mix. I paid top dollar for that.
Water, water, I must drink my water. I love water. Water is my new BFF.
*Oh yes, I forgot. I HATE the word "healthful." Who makes up these stupid new words in order to make them sound less diet-y? Pisses me off, actually. It's healthy. What's wrong with the word "healthy?" Why do we have to change our words all the time?! (That's interesting, though, because one of my favorite books, which I am reading again, is about how English is constantly evolving. And completely contradictory to what I just said, I LOVE the word "ginormous.")
My biggest goal for the rest of the day is to get on the treadmill. Oh, I need to eat a sensible lunch & dinner, but my hurdle is that stupid treadmill. I bought is last March and I've used it less than 5 times. It's got a TV & DVD player right in front of it, so I can put my Johnny in there and go to town. I just need to DO IT. (I'd steal Nike's line, but I think they're still sponsering Tiger Woods and I don't love him right now.)
Onward & upward!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
My Quest To Lose 37 Pounds
Where do I even begin? I'm 44 and I need to lose at least 37 lbs. That would put me at my pre-pregnancy weight. I could stand to lose 47 lbs. which would put me at my pre-wedding weight, but that is a loftier goal that I'm willing to commit to right now. Over the past year I haven't even been able to lose 10 lbs., so 37 lbs. is as far as I'm willing to go. I know I can change that later. If I can get 37 lbs. off this fat ass, surely, I can lose another 10!!
I have my friend Wendie to thank for this blogging idea. She is going to climb 69 flights of stairs in two-and-a-half months and needs to get in shape in order to do it. Her thinking is to go public with her goal to make it more real, make herself accountable. She is going to use blogging about it as a tool to help her achieve her goal. I'm stealing your idea, Wendie...
So, I started yesterday and was a "good girl." Salad, water, soup. No Coke, no chocolate, not a lot of carbs (only the salad dressing & cut up chicken strips on my salad). Today I've been pretty good: WW Smart Ones breakfast sandwich, 1% milk and more of my bean soup (delicious!). Water. Oh, and that chocolate covered cherry I would never have thought to reward myself with except my father-in-law called and said, "Have you finished off those CCCs yet?" Oh, no I haven't! I'll just have one now... So, really, it's my father-in-law's fault for today's chocolate indulgence.
As I mentioned earlier, I created this blog (my first ever!) to assist me in My Quest To Lose 37 Pounds over the next 19 weeks (2 lbs. a week), but I have sooooo many other issues and crap in my life that I'm going to write about, not the least of which are my obsessions: Johnny Depp, vodka & chocolate. Delicious, every one of them! But, I left one other important one out: bacon cheeseburgers. But, adding that seemed a little long and, truthfully, I only thought of it after I'd chosen JP, V&C. I wonder if I can change it?
The point I am trying to make is that this blog or site or page or whatever the hell it is that you call this thing I'm in the process of creating is not just going to be about My Quest To Lose 37 Pounds. Buddy, I'm writing about EVERYTHING (within reason). Nothing tawdry or inappropriate. I am way too old for that! But, I will go on about my daily stuff just to vent. My husband said, "Why are you starting a blog? You don't have time for that." I said, "No, but if I vent on my blog you won't have to listen to it." There was no comment. That either means he didn't hear me or he likes the idea. We'll go with the latter.
I started writing in a diary or journal when I was 15, but stopped after I had my 2nd child because I just couldn't find the time to do it. That's been 11+ years ago. Journaling is a great outlet and I need to get back to using it and, trust me, I will blather on about any old thing. You may laugh, you will undoubtedly be bored, I may even offend you (if, in fact, there is anyone besides me who reads this). I cuss like a longshoreman (another element of my life I need to put in check) and, yes, I not only begin and end sentences with prepositions, but I begin so many of them with "I." My apologies in advance.
Oh, I also use too many exclamation marks and ...s. And I like to color, bold, italicize and CAPITALIZE for dramatic effect, so just deal with it. That's my style... :)
So, back to the issue at hand: I'm 44 and I'm 37-47 pounds overweight. I love watching The Biggest Loser because people have gone on that show and done amazing things, but I've always wanted to watch somebody like me on there... not a person who needs to lose hundreds of pounds or even more than 50. That's not my reality, so I watch that show and start feeling pretty good about myself with my less than 50 pounds to lose. And while I'm patting myself on the back for not having hundreds of pounds to lose, I'm sitting on the couch drinking my Screwdriver with grenadine and eating potato chips or half a box of Tagalongs or Jack-in-the-Box. If I keep that up, I might just be able to get on The Biggest Loser...
But I digress!! Sorry. And now I've forgotten the point of this first post. Gimme a minute...
I've re-read everything I've written and still have no idea where I was going. So, I shall end this first post, publish it and get back to cleaning my room which is a perfect segue as my next post will be about CLUTTER, one of the many issues (for lack of a better word) stemming from adult ADD, with which I was diagnosed several years ago.
I have my friend Wendie to thank for this blogging idea. She is going to climb 69 flights of stairs in two-and-a-half months and needs to get in shape in order to do it. Her thinking is to go public with her goal to make it more real, make herself accountable. She is going to use blogging about it as a tool to help her achieve her goal. I'm stealing your idea, Wendie...
So, I started yesterday and was a "good girl." Salad, water, soup. No Coke, no chocolate, not a lot of carbs (only the salad dressing & cut up chicken strips on my salad). Today I've been pretty good: WW Smart Ones breakfast sandwich, 1% milk and more of my bean soup (delicious!). Water. Oh, and that chocolate covered cherry I would never have thought to reward myself with except my father-in-law called and said, "Have you finished off those CCCs yet?" Oh, no I haven't! I'll just have one now... So, really, it's my father-in-law's fault for today's chocolate indulgence.
As I mentioned earlier, I created this blog (my first ever!) to assist me in My Quest To Lose 37 Pounds over the next 19 weeks (2 lbs. a week), but I have sooooo many other issues and crap in my life that I'm going to write about, not the least of which are my obsessions: Johnny Depp, vodka & chocolate. Delicious, every one of them! But, I left one other important one out: bacon cheeseburgers. But, adding that seemed a little long and, truthfully, I only thought of it after I'd chosen JP, V&C. I wonder if I can change it?
The point I am trying to make is that this blog or site or page or whatever the hell it is that you call this thing I'm in the process of creating is not just going to be about My Quest To Lose 37 Pounds. Buddy, I'm writing about EVERYTHING (within reason). Nothing tawdry or inappropriate. I am way too old for that! But, I will go on about my daily stuff just to vent. My husband said, "Why are you starting a blog? You don't have time for that." I said, "No, but if I vent on my blog you won't have to listen to it." There was no comment. That either means he didn't hear me or he likes the idea. We'll go with the latter.
I started writing in a diary or journal when I was 15, but stopped after I had my 2nd child because I just couldn't find the time to do it. That's been 11+ years ago. Journaling is a great outlet and I need to get back to using it and, trust me, I will blather on about any old thing. You may laugh, you will undoubtedly be bored, I may even offend you (if, in fact, there is anyone besides me who reads this). I cuss like a longshoreman (another element of my life I need to put in check) and, yes, I not only begin and end sentences with prepositions, but I begin so many of them with "I." My apologies in advance.
Oh, I also use too many exclamation marks and ...s. And I like to color, bold, italicize and CAPITALIZE for dramatic effect, so just deal with it. That's my style... :)
So, back to the issue at hand: I'm 44 and I'm 37-47 pounds overweight. I love watching The Biggest Loser because people have gone on that show and done amazing things, but I've always wanted to watch somebody like me on there... not a person who needs to lose hundreds of pounds or even more than 50. That's not my reality, so I watch that show and start feeling pretty good about myself with my less than 50 pounds to lose. And while I'm patting myself on the back for not having hundreds of pounds to lose, I'm sitting on the couch drinking my Screwdriver with grenadine and eating potato chips or half a box of Tagalongs or Jack-in-the-Box. If I keep that up, I might just be able to get on The Biggest Loser...
But I digress!! Sorry. And now I've forgotten the point of this first post. Gimme a minute...
I've re-read everything I've written and still have no idea where I was going. So, I shall end this first post, publish it and get back to cleaning my room which is a perfect segue as my next post will be about CLUTTER, one of the many issues (for lack of a better word) stemming from adult ADD, with which I was diagnosed several years ago.
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