My Quest Weigh-In Week #3

A big, fat ZERO!!  0.0 lbs. this week.  That SUCKS!!

Okay, on my Facebook I said I was okay with it because I'm trying to lose 2.0 lbs. a week and at a total loss of 6.0 lbs. I'm right on target.  But, in reality I'm UNhappy because it killed my momentum and since then I've not been 100% on target all week, I feel fat, I stepped on the scale yesterday morning (instead of waiting 'til Saturday), gained a few pounds and now I just finished 3 fried chicken drumsticks & about 3 helpings of Ore-Ida Crinkle Cut french fries dipped in ketchup & mayonnaise...  And 2 Screwdrivers.  Can I just say that NONE of those things are on my list of foods that are okay to eat?!!

What is wrong with me?!!! 

Why am I "rewarding" myself (or should I say consoling myself?) with the stuff that's going to make me even fatter, clog my arteries, make my skin break out, make me retain water and, if you had any doubt, make me more unhappy with myself in every conceivable way than I already am?!!   WHY?!!!!!!!  It's this vicious cycle I can't seem to break:  go on a diet, do well, lose weight (or gain weight), reward myself with something delicious (or console myself with something delicious), realize I've fallen off the wagon and just decide to hitch a ride home with the 18-wheeler hauling McDonald's instead of standing up, dusting myself off and getting back on the wagon.  I am weak.  I'm a quitter.  I am worthless.   I feel like a 44-year old married, mother of two (well, actually I AM all those things), fat cow who's destined to be that woman in the picture with her farmer husband holding the pitchfork.  That unhappy couple on the farm who've been together for 50 years.  She's plump.  He's skinny.  Neither one looks happy and I'm sure it's because she gained so much weight after they got married and had some kids and she all she's done is baked pies and cooked awesome dinners (at noon) for her unappreciative husband so he could eat well after getting up at the crack of frigging dawn to feed the chickens, milk the cows, till the land, sew the seeds, harvest the crops, blah blah blee blee blah, and now she's fat, he's bald and they're both unhappy because they don't do anything together that they enjoy, but they won't say anything to each other because that would not be prudent.  They go to church on Sunday, pay their taxes, they don't swear or drink, they've reared their children to be good students, good citizens, members of the 4H and FFA, Girl and Boy Scouts, all the things upstanding, hard-working citizens in a small farming community do.  And they look miserable.

I think that's called projecting.

To be fair, please excuse this scribbling.  My heart is not in it tonight, but my friend was asking when I'd get back to blogging.  I'm inspired by vodka tonight... and my own failures.  My mind is elsewhere, everywhere, stressing on several issues I really don't want to get into right now, none of which are even really important in the grand scheme of things (Girl Scout cookies, camping plans, end of fiscal year at work, my sophomore going with the high school almost to Canada, parents are travelling, medieval banquet, troop meeting and field trip, etc.)

So, I'm going to turn on my electric blanket and watch my NBC Thursday night comedies.  And I'm going to wake up tomorrow and try, once again, to stay (get back) on the path to a healthier me.  Every day starts the same.  Maybe I can be more diligent tomorrow, but unless I get up early to prepare my breakfast, lunch and healthy snacks, chances of me staying on target are slim to none.

Next post:  more coherent.  Next post:  My Quest Weigh-In #4.  Cross everything you've got.  I'm gonna need it.