That Girl

My family and I moved to Washington three-and-a-half years ago.  I maintained my weight for not quite a year and then I started gaining.  (I was still overweight at the time, but within 7 lbs. of my current goal weight.)  Since that time I have gained 30 lbs.  I went from this girl:

to someone I don't even recognize in the mirror.  Honest to God, I can see myself everyday in the mirror and not recognize how much weight I've gained because (1) I don't want to see it and (2) I can't see behind me (and I choose not to use another mirror in order to do that.  Ignorance is bliss.).  My first indication should have been when I couldn't see my feet because my stomach was in the way, but then I just leaned over a little further.

But, when I look at pictures of myself I do see it and I can't believe I've let myself go that far.  I see videos and I can't believe that is my fat ass walking around; and is that a double-chin?  When did I get that?!  Who is that girl?  When did I become that girl?!

I can't believe I'm even posting these, but here they are.  I'm doing this for myself, ya'll.  I'm posting these so that I'm not hiding behind the internet and my far away friends who can't see how much weight I've gained.  My most recent Facebook profile pic is, naturally, a more flattering picture of me, yet not so recent.  It's from the summer, but I've gained even since then.  It doesn't capture me at this moment.  I know a lot of people do that, but I feel like I'm lying by posting a picture that doesn't look like me now.  And that's not the same as posting a picture from long, long ago.  Everyone knows a childhood picture is not what you look like now.  But they can't tell when my profile pic was taken, so they believe that's a current photo.  It's cheating and I feel guilty.

The FB profile pic I just changed it to today is even more of a lie, but it's me with cases of Girl Scout cookies and I'm trying to help my daughter sell Girl Scout cookies.  It's all about selling that cookie from here through March, ya'll.  I gotta do it for the Girl Scouts!

So, here's the other girl that lives in our house.  I really don't like her.  She started moving in a few years ago, but I've told her to start packing because she's no longer welcome.  She's got 'til May 15th and then she's out!

How on earth did I become that girl?  

Oh, right...  by not having any willpower, indulging myself in whatever I wanted and wearing XL sweatpants 8 days a week. 

That girl's only gotten her suitcase out of the closet; she hasn't put anything in it yet.  I think she may still have some laundry to do before she can start packing.  She'll be around for a little while longer, but I'm not going to indulge her anymore on any consistent basis.  I've got almost 8 days of abstinence under my belt and I feel EMPOWERED!